Chapter 19---Unseen Scribbles of Nithya

 

Chapter 19

Unseen Scribbles of Nithya

Nithya had scribbled something besides all the chapters. Her sister was about to read them all. Nithya’s sister opened the book and she moved to the Chapter 1. For that chapter,

A foolish behavior Sathish, how could you be so careless. Fooled by a bag, so sad. I were at the place of Jessica, I would have teased you a lot. Poor Jessica wasted that day. It was really dramatic and I enjoyed seeing you being fooled just because of a loved person. I also wished to know what you think about me. But today I am very happy to read this book and know what you think about me. If I were at Jesi’s place, I would have pierced your eyes at the moment you tried to stalk Susan. How could Jesi allowed you? She might not have fallen for you at that moment.

Chapter 2:

<The complete page was empty>

Chapter 3:

I remember this globe, you once told me that you imagined you and Jessica in that style and we got some disputes too. It was our first fight. Now on reading this doll, I remembered them. When you told about how Madhu proposed Susan, I told you how romantic Madhu was. You got possessive and you told me that you were romantic too. I believed it only after some time. LOL,

Chapter 4:

There was a line, ‘I liked those moments sitting next to her. I will be looking over her all time. Sometimes there will be some romantic conversation between Madhu and Susan, at that time, Jeni will turn to me’. Near that line there written Stalker. At the end of the chapter, I am still jealous of you Sathish. Even you broke up with me, When I read the words that you mentioned as you loved with Jessica. I am feeling possessive. I know you are not mine anymore and you were not mine at that time too. But, I am feeling something disturbed on reading this. Imagined the fight you were involved, I burst into laughter. Fighting never suits you. Thank god you haven’t told these stores to me while we were in relationship. I too wish to ride with you in a cycle. I rode me in a bike, but cycle will be slow and it will be so safe to play with you while driving. Jessica was possessive as I was with you too. But I never exposed them to you

Chapter 5:

Selecting the same gift was so cute, It is really a great idea to make a girl to select for herself without saying her. I still remember how you explained to me about this scenario. Your eyes glowed at that moment, I could feel how much you loved Jessica. I decided one thing on that day, you should be gooseflesh while you think about the day we started our relationship.

Chapter 6:

Susan was a good friend to you, you should not leave her at any point. More than Madhu, you should care Susan a lot. I like her always as she introduced you to me on the very first day. I not very close with her but I know how much you like her. You will be in safe hands until you were her friend. I know our principal was an idiot and fool. But, I never expected to this level. If I knew it I could have done many things at my school. I am eager to know what might have happened if you proposed in a right way. I meant how could you react when you are pushing yourself hard to propose. A shy boy escaped on that day. Jeni kissed you first. You could have kissed her instead, very weak in romance.

Chapter 7:

I remember that day, everyone in the school was gossiping about this. It was not an issue for me and that day. I also thought ‘Why should a person care for something like this and weep all day?’ But once, I came to know it was you then I started to feel the pain what you felt. I wanted to beat him badly. I was jealousy over Jessica but at this point, I felt pity. You care for her then I should care for her too. Every gossip is a gossip until it related to us. I might not have thought about it on that day but today, I was thinking how you would have handled this.

Chapter 8:

You must have broken into pieces on seeing that paper, I can assure that the words you used on the paper will be the exact words used by Jessica. I can feel how much you loved her. I will never say that Jessica lost a beautiful life. She was right to take her decision and trust over her father will be more than you. So I will say she was right. I am not saying this on a possessive feel on you. It made her to increase the affectionate with her dad. Her trust over him must have last long. A kiss from a boy is always a best memory in a girl’s life but losing a kiss from dad will never be a good memory.

Chapter 9:

How dare you to kiss a girl after her break up <an anger emoji was drawn at the end of that line>. You have no rights to kiss a girl when she not yours. You have lost your self respect because of this. This one thing is much enough for Jessica to accuse you as a wrong person. I knew you loved her but you must not have exposed it to her. You showed how much you loved on searching that paper pieces. If I were in your class, I must have fall for you at that moment. I want to inquire your class mates how many of them got crush on you. You proved that you will go to any extent just for your love.

Chapter 10:

I never had a good friend circle, I meant constant friends circle. On seeing your friendship with Madhu and Susan, a little feel to make constant friends rose in me. Yeah every friend is constant but some will stay with us in all times. I don’t have such a friend and I got you on the list first. But you idiot cheated me by stealing my heart. If seeking love is lust, then I am sure we didn’t seek them. The love between us bloomed months ago before we said to each other. I know you love me and I know you knew I am interested in me too.

Chapter 11:

What an eye for you stalking Arshitha! On early days of the college. Susan called me and told me that her friend was in your college. I asked her what for that. She just told to look after him for her. I thought you were her boy friend. You messaged me on that day. I got irritated on seeing those messages, I also had a thought, “Why this idiot is nagging us?”. You really messed my mind along with some issues I had in hostel. But now I wish to want that chat back and need to give you a proper reply.

Chapter 12:

I was a silent person until, you stepped in my life as a friend. I supported for your crush on Arshitha but I started to feel something over you. I need to push my words hard whenever I support. I wished to to have you only with me at that time. I need to be with me as you are the broke a barrier in me and made me to smile. I realized my love only later.

While we are at canteen, your eyes fixed to the beauty of Arshitha but you didn’t noticed my eyes fixed on yours. I saw a glow in your eye. I wish to touch that glow, I will do that and make you blind. I felt little shy when your hand touched my hand. You might not have noticed that. I felt a shyness and I wished to feel it again. So, I kept my hand near you and as u move a little your hand touched mine. I felt my breath rough at that time.

That day, I asked Susan about you more. I wished to know more about you. Susan said everything to me from the start till the end about you and the relationship you had. She also mentioned you are not good at making relationship. My mind didn’t wished to believe Susan too. I got Jessica’s number from my old school friend. I made Jessica a call with the name of Arshitha. Jesi believed that I was Arshitha. I said that I was in love with you and you told that you have crush on me. She was grateful on hearing that from me and told that you are really a great person.

Chapter 13:

I got anger without my knowledge, when someone teased you. I could realize my anger only after I opened out. My anger would not have rested until I see a smile on your face.

You told me about your ex relationship for the first time. You told that you had ashamed her in front of everyone. I knew the whole story before you say me but I wished to know what you wanted to say. Yes, I waited to check if you are saying any stories or the fact. But you took too much of guilt over you. You didn’t even tried to prove you are innocent. I liked that innocence.

I didn’t know why I told you about my sister, but I told you not to hide anything from you. I wanted to say you that I am smiling and talking because of you. You understood that well. At that time, I rested on your shoulders. I felt more comfortable at that time and I also wished to rest in the sane way for the whole day. You threw your hand over me and it made me warmth. Those minutes are the time that are more valuable for me from the day my sister left the house.

You had a doubt, “Did I held my arm over her shoulders? Or Did she tilted her head over my shoulders?”

I tilted for my support internally and your heart extended and cared for me at that right moment. The love in you blinded you completely. I could feel the love from you too. I wished to be affectionate with you from that moment.

Chapter 14:

The first time, I was traveling with you alone. I was very excited. I wanted to control my emotions and not to expose before you, “How much I am interested in traveling with you”. Another memorable thing happened that day. Two favorites on either sides. On my left was the window and to the right was You. There was a gap between me and you. I hated it but it was wanted at that time. I was smiling on siting next you. I smiled outside by facing the window so that you could not figure out my smile.

Suddenly you slept and I found it out when I heard a snore sound from you. I thought you are faking, so I called your name slowly. But you went in a deep sleep. I just recorded your snoring sound for one minute. It was not cute but it was funny to hear. Imagine if we got married, the most funniest sound now will become the irritating sound.

At that moment, I decided to fill the gap between us. I lifted your hand slowly, you never woke and I kept you hand slowly over mine. Even you woke, you will be thinking that your hand was mine and you did really. You felt my arm only for a moment but your arm was over me for a long time. I never felt a little pain or stain over my arm. I was just admiring the outside by feeling your arm over me.

Next day, you took me to your friends. Susan was asking about you when she picked me from my home and asked more about you. I liked her more as she cares for you. When I saw your other friend, Madhu. I hated him completely, such an irritating character. He sat next to me and he kept on boring me with worst jokes. At that time, I had a little look at you. I could smell a possessive burn from you, so I kept talking with him even I hated. Then, you sat next to me, as you saw I was comfortable in sitting next to you.

The pinky promise you made, I didn’t noticed your finger beside me. I was little scare first. If you have told before, I must have accompanied well. All I wanted to propose you at that time but I wished to slow down the proposal.

Chapter 15:

You said that I took you to the computer Science department just to stalk Arshi. You know why? Because I know you love me. If I didn’t trusted the love you had on me, I wouldn’t have taken you there. I never decided to propose you but I decided to accept your proposal on any day. I waited. I waited. I waited. Finally that day came.

I knew that you loved me and I also dreamt of getting a proposal from you. I had huge expectations. I tried to say you that I love you and wished to insist you to propose. By saying something weird story, but I spelt that I have crush on you. Meantime, Balaji idiot came in and spoiled the plan I had. But you caught me red handed by bluffing. My mind was not sharp to understand what you said. I just blabbered as I was in a mind set to talk with you about love.

You took my notebooks to pull me towards you. You Fool. I must have come, even you left my notebooks. The lamp post lighted because of the time but I felt it for us. You made a step forward to me, my hands trembled and wished to hold your shoulders but I tightened my hand myself. I also wanted to hear I love you from you. You too that I was expecting it, so you kept on delaying it.

I had a thought that every boy would use the opportunity and kiss the girl he loves. But you disproved it by showing the love you had on me. I also felt that you were afraid of kissing. You scratched my cheeks, I kissed you on that moment just to hasten myself and mark the first kiss was mine.

That day you called, before attending the call. I Kissed my mobile phone for more than 10 times and then I attended the call. I was very excited to speak at that night. Luckily no one was at my hostel room. So I could react on my own for every line you spoke. I was rolling over my bed, then sat and was pinching the pillow.

After your call, my sister called me. She said that she got delivered with the baby boy and I was very curious in knowing how she is and all I wished to see my baby boy. At that moment, I couldn’t think about you. I was completely worried about her and I could not feel the excitement I had just a minute before it. She won’t even message me like a friend as she had a guilt of leaving me alone. But that day, she called me. I slept that day.

Next day her hubby called me and said that my sister wanted me to see her child. So he asked me to visit and also said his relatives will take me there. I had a hesitation to go with the strangers but I wanted to see my little hero. So the only one I could trust at that moment was you. It was only You. I also never wanted to take my problems over you. I asked for an excuse from the movie plan but you took me to my sister. You did what I wanted at that day.

I wished to say about you to my sister. Then I decided to say about you to her once I get completely inside you. My mind was thinking about my sister and my little hero until I saw them. On the return in our travel, I felt like you are my everything. I was ready to give myself to you at any circumstances. I felt you as the most safest place to keep me secured with smile.

Chapter 16:

The day we planed for movie, Dad didn’t allowed me to go for a movie and he told that he will take me along with him to movie. I told him that I was girls and I said I wanted it. He smiled and allowed me to go.

In theater you really made me to feel something. I expected a kiss from you but you ended up differently. I love to eat snacks for movie but on that day, those snacks didn’t even interested me. When ever I see the movie for the next time. I started to feel the every moment we had at the movie. I kissed you as I had planned before. Before coming to the movie, I made up my mind to give you a kiss. One thing that I never thought of was, you dropped me in my house.

I loved every word you wrote till now but at this chapter. You changed everything that happened after the movie. I remember every thing for every second.

[Nithya had stroke a page completely that was about the romance had in Nithya’s room. Nithya rewrote that chapter. Those lines where like Nithya was talking to Sathish]

I gave you a coffee. You drunk it and asked me to sit beside you on the sofa. Then you lay over my lap and held my hand around your face and said, “Nithya. I feel the comfort at your lap next to my Mom”.

“I feel the much more comfortable when I was next to you”, I said and kissed your face on my lap. You pulled my head again and kissed my cheeks. You lay on lap for two minutes. A silence filled the room. I felt you were sleepy at that moment. I asked you to sit. You stood and looked at the house by asking in a fun tone, “This house belongs to me right after marriage?”

“My sister take her part too”, I said.

“Whatever where is your room?” you asked. I pointed. You walked in and looked around the walls filled with paintings. You jumped over my cot and said with a wink, “It’s my place right?”

I said, “Never. Until I was beside you”. By saying I made myself to sit next to you and then I said, “Now it is not yours, it’s ours”. I put my hands over you. You started to feel shy and you tried to free yourself. You sat then. You hugged me, tighter and tightest. I was unable to move. I wanted to you to hug more even you were at your extent. I would have minded if you crush my bones at a hug.
Then you moved your lips touching from my ears to my chin and slowly to my lips. You freed me from hug and held my face. Yes you grabbed my upper lips and kissed. I held my breath completely while kissing. I think you were my oxygen at that time. At that moment, I felt like struck between you forever. I held your shoulders with grip and allowed my lips to move at the direction you moved your lips.

You then freed me, I didn’t know why you quit the kiss. But I wanted again. I panted and you panted. You didn’t left a gap and held my face and then you kissed all over my face. I was dumb at that moment. I was almost like a toy that moves according to you because of the shyness. The kisses you gave all over my face was like drenching in the rain. I felt your warmth and the wet of the kiss all over my face. It made me to feel my face. You gave a gap and look into my eyes and I said, “I love you”, in a slow voice.

You repeated back “I love you too”, after giving a kiss at the fore head. I was in the state that I never been. I was completely and over excited to my maximum. Yeah I was out of mind at that moment. The term ‘Love’ and ‘You’ hid everything around me. You had showed the love that you had on me through some kisses. Then the inner me provoked out. I held your face and scratched my cheeks all over your cheeks. Our skins scratched and made a glow of love.

I caught your hairs at back head within my fingers and I grabbed your lips. It was my time, I made our wet lips to wet again. I freed quickly and hugged you. I twisted around you like a creeper. I felt your heartbeat at the moment I hugged. I completely lost my mind. I unbuttoned your shirt and hugged you within your shirt. Forced with a push on you and made you fall over the bed. I was still hugging you. My hands were behind you. You made your hand around my shoulders. I made our necks to dash against each other.

You made a cuddle and made me to lay below you in a second. I could feel you completely over me. My heart beat was very faster and I was bearing you completely over me. I didn’t felt you as a weight on me. I made myself for you at that moment. I was ready to move in what you wanted me to.

Suddenly you pushed me and moved aside. You said that it was not right at that moment. I could think of your words but the love I kept on you made me to loose my mind. I just tried to kiss you again. But you gave a slap and told to keep a limit at that time. I realized that I was out my mind. I controlled myself. You went home on the next minute after asking me to check if anyone was outside the house.

I was thinking about you the whole day. Am I lusty? I asked myself and I then confirmed that the lust came only after the love. So, I justified myself. I also had a doubt what would you think about me? I am confused and wished to ask sorry and I was also proud to be your girl. If any other boy was at that situation, something might have happened. It was You Sathish the one who had self control and made me to control myself too. After that I loved you more than before. You created such a respect in me too.

That day evening, my father came home. We both were talking as usual and were having dinner. I wished to say him about my sister and her baby boy. I was little afraid to say him, but I opened out. He just ended his dinner at that moment and he walked out without saying a word.

I was little afraid at that moment and took the plate outside. “Please eat the dinner”, I insisted him. He just bent down and shed some drops of tears. On seeing his tears, I placed my plate beside and felt a broken heart. I wept his tears. He was weeping like a kid. Without my acknowledgment, tears shed from my eyes. He just placed his hand over my knee and said, “You talk with her?”

I was in a dilemma to answer him, then I said yes. “How is she?” my dad asked. I said, “She misses you”.

“Why should she? She chose him by leaving me”, he said with a sob. I just took a piece of chapathi that we made for dinner and said, “Please, have this. Don’t starve your stomach. It will make you sick”

“I became sick once your sister went away from this house”, he wept his tears and continued, “You know something, in my life your mother was like a beautiful poem. Once she passed away it became empty like a blank paper after your mother passed away. Later, I realized that she left a beautiful painting drawing of you and your sister”. I kept that plate aside and tried to console him.

“You sister took away all the colors in that painting and left it black and white. There was still a black and white painting as you are with me until. I am just smiling on seeing you. I love you so much Nithya and I love only you”, He said and wept deeply.

“Roshini wanted to stay with you but you didn’t gave a choice for her”, I tried to argue. His tears stopped and spoke, “Do you think what she did was right? No it was wrong. She threw me away because of her selfishness. She threw away you too”.

“I don’t think so dad, I never wish to loose her desires for me”, I said in a low voice. He smirked, “Desires. Was that a problem? I lost my desires when she made her own decision”

“So you want your desires to be fulfilled by making Roshini to loose her desires?” I put a valid point at that place.

“If I wished that at first point, I would have chosen many other options. Nithya, you think I was villain for Roshini’s Marriage at that time. But actually, I was the victim at that point. She chose a person whom I doesn’t knew before. She went with him all a sudden by leaving what ever she had at that moment. She was happy to have a new life. I was not worried at that time. I was afraid. I wanted to see smiles from my daughter. I was afraid that she should not fall for a wrong guy. Do you think I still have an anger on her? No. I won’t and I will never”.

“So can I call her now to come home?” I asked him calmly. He smiled, “No, it is not manners. I sued her from this house. I will go and bring her back”.

“So you accept her”, I said with a smile. He nodded and I continued, “I will inform her”. He nodded again. I hugged him and cherished with joy. My father dropped some words right then, “Nithya”

“Yes Dad”

“You will never disappoint me right?” He asked with a trusty reply expectation from me and I had a little hesitation to answer. But I said, “How could I?”

“I know you won’t. You are my little angel”, He said with a kiss. “You are on your right path till now. Be careful in upcoming days also. I had many desires on your sister and you. I had lost an eye. You are my only vision now. I need you smiling always”.

He said and he walked inside the house. I was sitting at the entrance of the house looking over the moon. A sudden thought came in my mind. Love was just like the moon. One day it will be seemed to be the best that is the full moon day. After that the moon shrunk, similarly the fight we had. Yes, we were at the peak on that day. Now our love must shrunk and the time had came.

That day, I couldn’t sleep well not because of nightmare. It was the fear that my father had on my sister. My father feared about losing her daughter and I feared to think about loosing you. I didn’t gave any promises to my father but I gave my trust to him. I felt guilty for entering in your life Sathish. I was clinging at a cliff and I have a lot of weight along with me. I know you will held my hand, I am afraid of dragging you along with me. So I decided to free my hand from you.

I know you will be sleepless at that night by thinking about me and me too but I was thinking opposite to you.

Chapter 17:

I decided to break up with you that day, I wanted to loose the one that I wanted in my life. <Nithya again stroke the story that was written on the last chapter of the book where Nithish and Sathya were talking about breaking up. In that story Sathya would have told that her ex memories were disturbing her, so she wanted a break up. She wrote the real incident happened at the stone bench>

“Are you mad at me Sathish?” I said.

“Why should I?”, You replied and tried to sit closer to me. I moved away from you. You understood my movement and you moved back to the other corner.

“I am sorry for slapping you”, you said.

“Sathish. No reasons to request for forgiveness”

“I started it but I didn’t wanted to end up like that, I am really sorry”

“You are not stable”

“Why you say so”

“You hate me right?”

“No. Nithya no. I never”

“Then why you pushed me?”, I asked you. I had this as the only reason to fight with you. I felt myself ashamed to argue with you even you behaved decently. I know how much you loved me. But I need to do this.

“I thought that was not needed”, you said.

“So you will never fuck with me, is that?”, I opened some unbearable words.

“Nithya, careful with your words”, you warned me.

“No, I am talking right. You saw me like something, something”, I showed a disgusting look on my face and added, “Awkward. I felt disgusting at that moment and I am now feeling myself ashamed for being like that”

“Nithya, I didn’t and I will never. You was not beautiful on the very first day but you looked more beautiful every day after day”, you said me. Those lines almost nailed inside my heart but I wanted to break up with you at that moment.

“I think you all you needed was just my appearance. So that you started to admire me when I was close to you”, I forced some words against my heart. I could sense some anger from you. I continued, “At first you had a lust on Jeni then you tried on Josphine. Later you stalked Arshitha. Now you are trying to hook up with me”. Your anger burst out. I was afraid.

“You are the one who first kissed me. You are the one who asked me to kiss. You are the one who put me over your bed. You are the one who unbuttoned my shirt first”, You kept every single word in front to mark me as bad. I got a point to fight with you.

“So you blame me as the lusty creature, isn’t it?” I yelled.

“Can’t you understand. You are the worst creature. You are the one who tried to put me back to the mood even after I slapped you. I never thought you in that way. But at this moment, you proved yourself as a bitch”, You marked your words with anger.

I was hurt at that moment, was that your perception on me. I hated you more at that moment even I know you are shouting at anger. I wanted you to leave me, I decided to insist the anger in you.

“You know something you molested me at the theater”, I remembered a good line to mark you as a victim. You pulled my hand with a force and with a tight grip. I could not move my hand. “If I held you like this forcefully then you could put a title for me as a molester. I touched you with love and care only after I had a mind set ‘’Nithya is my girl’. But you mistook everything and you were in very bad attitude”.

“You touched me everywhere”, I said.

“Rephrase it. Everywhere on your face. I just wished to feel your face not the body parts. I seek only your eyes always and I never wished to seek anywhere as I found your eyes as more attractive”, you justified yourself and I know about you always.

You stood up from that stone bench and said, “Sorry, if I harmed you before physically and mentally”.

“No problem”, I said.

“What you need me to do now?”

“Break Up” I replied you. You initially refused but I was stubborn in breaking up.

“Why?”, you asked. “I don’t wish to continue in this way. You go with Arshitha. I will go on someone I like”, I dropped a compliment.

“Okay, I think we can be strangers and never cross our paths”, you said finally with a sad face. I was completely broken on seeing you like that. I always wanted to see a smile on you when I was aside. But I was the one to break the smiles from you.

If I didn’t ended up on that day, the love between us might have grew to great heights and we may reach a situation of feeling the death. Everyone says the harm will vary from the height one fell. I wish to fell at that moment to make you less wounded. I should not have loved you. I took my dad over you as I was the only hope for him.

I was afraid to break his trust over me. All I wanted at that moment was to be trust worthy for my Dad. I loved you always but I cannot break the hope that my Dad had on me. I told the reason to you. I know you will be the accepting the break up for the sake of mine. At that point my father will be portrayed as a villain in you for our love. I didn’t want my father to bear that blame. How could he hold that title when he did nothing with it.

If I told my father about you. He will certainly think bad about you or he may not gain trust over you. I never want you to bear that wrong character understanding from my father. It was all my fault to break his trust and It was all my fault to fall in love with you. I was common for both and I should take a decision then. I decided to be bad, in your understandable words a Bitch.

I decided to break up only after thinking all night. If we continued our relationship it would be hard to leave you and it would be hard to hurt my father too. You could start another happy life with someone better than me but my father has no choice. He is there only for the sake of me. So I decided to loose you to gain my father’s daughter. What ever happens I will be thinking of you always.

After we separated we didn’t talked much, but my heart wept whenever I avoid you on your approach. It made you to hate me further. I just wore an anger mask to hide my tears from you. I wore a smiling mask to hide my tears from my father. I would cry sometimes on thinking of loosing you, but my father’s face console me at those hard times. Whenever I saw someone kissing in the movie, I remembered you. I avoided going to theaters later.

I thought I would forget you when I leave you. It was the time I was very close to you thinking about you always. I was not happy really. I know you will not, but you should. I found your happiness in the cartoons you drew. I stole some and I kept them inside my books. I used to admire them always. I recommended my friend’s father to Harish. I made it secret from you.

I thought you moved on until I read this book. You still love me. You swapped our name and named us together in the story. SATya and NitHISH. You might have wrote what actually happened but you never framed me as a bad person in your story. It pointed your good nature to me. I read every comic you draw and every article you write. I used to write to you in letters in the name of Mukesh Durai. You never got doubt on that name and you kept on replying in letters even at this modern world.

I am still an admirer of your talents, a die hard fan of your cartoons and I am not not sure whether I could say this. Yes, I still love you and only you. I wish to forget you sooner as you are not mine. My little hero is my diversion, he is my sister’s son. My love over him and his affection over me might help me to take me away from you.

------- You are the best in the way you are-------

Nithya’s sister closes the book with some drops of tears at the last page. Nithya’s sister Roshini could feel the loss that she made for her father as she didn’t took such a decision. Roshini slept that night by laying over the book with tears at one side of the eyes on the direction she layed.