Chapter 17 -- A Stone bench and Us

 

Chapter 17

A Stone bench and Us

The movie I went with Sathya marked some different path in my life. In every man’s life there will be an incident to make him feel that he had done something and he has some responsibilities further. It could be felt not by the completion of schools or colleges. I could be felt only by the experience he gains. I had that kind of thought on that day.

I felt I was blind when I kissed her. I didn’t knew why I closed my eyes while I was kissing her. Was her eyes too closed? I decided and made up my mind with a statement, ‘Next time on a kiss, I must open my eyes’. I also had other thoughts to improve my romance with Sathya. I also worried for not kissing during the movie. I feared at first to kiss. The fear of kiss flew away from that moment. I had a thought that kisses will be common from then like saying hi, bye.

That week, we went to the college. Sathya used to sit on the bench which was beside me. She used to greet me at the moment she entered the class. I will be longing to hear it from her all time. She came in and she waved at me as usual. I was very excited on that day. I winked at her and she smiled. I could see a calmness in her.

The break came up and we used to hang together around the college campus. I walked beside her, Arshitha crossed us. Sathya usually tease me while Arshitha got in sight. But differently Sathya looked at my eyes, she was verifying whether my eyes roll towards Arshitha. The fact is my eyes started to roll towards Sathya a long ago.

I scratched her fingers with mine slightly besides walking. She stopped and she said, “Can we go to canteen?” I nodded. The canteen was very crowded, I bought her a fresh orange juice and I bought hot coffee for me.

Sathya blocked a place for me, until I purchase those soft drinks. I slide the juice near her and turned the straw towards her mouth. She saw me having a coffee and asked me, “I think I need coffee”.

“Too hot to handle you then”, I tried to flirt her a little. “I am ill, got some feel of head ache”, She said by forcing her hand against her head and continued, “Not in a mood for romances”. By saying she swapped coffee and juice. She started to drink coffee sip by sip. I wished to make her smile.

“Cheater ji, I think my kiss could cure your head ache”, I said and I started to drink the juice. She was calm and didn’t even reacted. “Do you need it?”, I asked again.

“Need what?” she asked with a face of knowing nothing and she acted like she hadn’t heard what I spoke to her. I said in a low voice, “Do you need a kiss?”

She gave an anger look at me and she finished her coffee. On finishing the coffee, she started to walk. I had some juice left over at the bottom. As she walked, I took away the straw and drank the juice completely. I made my steps faster behind her.

“I am not in mood to go for class”, she said. I giggled and asked, “In a mood of romance uh?”

“Nithish please, I told you that I am not in mood for hearing your romantic movie lines”, she said and she kept walking. I blocked her and said, “If you didn’t smile, I will kiss you in front of everyone in this campus”.

She gave two hard beats on my hand with anger, I tried to make a smile on her face. But, she got anger instead. I calmed and moved aside. She murmured with an irritated tone, “Kiss. Kiss. Kiss”. I heard it and I got little anger and I opened some words after saying, “What you said?”

“You heard right”, she said and continued, “Wherever you come with me. You have the same thought”. I said, “I didn’t mean to”.

“Nithish you must understand we were not alone”, she insisted again. I lost my temper and said, “Look, I didn’t kissed or did nothing. I just wished to make you smile. Don’t bring up the silly things”

“I am going to class”, I said and I walked to the class. I expected Sathya will be coming class but she didn’t. We had two hours after the break, I waited for her on the next hour too. She didn’t. ‘Should I get anger for this?’ I asked myself then I decided to behave matured. She told me that she could not attend the class then how could I expect her. She will be the one to expect me.

The lunch hour came, I went to boys mess to have lunch. Then I came to class earlier, I saw her sitting in class room. I didn’t even know if she had her lunch. I went near her and asked, “Hey cheater sorry”

She smiled at me and asked me to sit next to her. I sat. Very few students were in the class. She asked me, “Did you told anyone about our relationship?”

I said no and I asked the same question to her with same context but different words. She too copied my answer NO. She seemed to be worried. I asked, “I could see you are not sick, you are thinking about something. Say me”, I said by shaking her hand with a fake joy. She replied back by shaking her head horizontally. I repeated, “Say me what bothers you”

“Nothing”, she said.

“It’s very clear to know something bothers you”, I said frankly and also continued, “You need to share it with me. I can figure out a way to help you”.

“Nithish please”, she said in a low voice.

“Look Sathya, I can’t leave you like this. I already told you that I will be with you in all time. All time means both in sad and happy moments”

“I know, but I will say later”, Sathya said by laying over the desk. I smoothed her head slowly and said, “Everything you wish will happen. Don’t worry. I will be with you in all time”.

“Nithish you can’t be beside me in all time”, she said with a sad tone. I was still smoothing her hairs, “Whatever might happen I will be with you always so just keep smiling always”

“I will smile always until you smile”, she said.

I laughed.

“Is it a joke?”, she asked. I said, “Jeni told this same line to me when she left me and now you are saying this”

“Nithish, I need to talk to you this evening can you stay at the stone bench”, she said. I nodded. Then I asked if she had lunch, Sathya told that she ate the lunch. Then I tried to make her smile but she was still with the same face. Later, we attended the classes. I turned to her and verified how she was feeling all time. I could feel that she has some trouble and she was not sick.

The classes were ended, everyone started to move. Myself and Sathya walked slowly on the college campus walk path. We searched for the stone benches every stone bench was filled with couples. Luckily I spot a stone bench and took her to that. I sat right to her and our bags were on my right. We sat close to each other.

“Cheater, you must not worry. If it was sortable I could help you”, I said in a low voice.

“I think it’s hard to sort”

“Nothing is hard until we think it was hard”, I built some encouraging words. She gave a smirk. I could not help her until she say what her problem was. So I insisted again and again, “Any issues with your sister?”

“No Nithish she is fine, I think”, she said and made a gulp. Why she was hesitating to speak something. It might be her dad, I doubted. I asked slowly, “Was that your dad?”

“What about my Dad?” she questioned bad.

“Did he find any issues on our movie plan?”

“Nothing”

“I meant, did he found anything suspicious about our relationship?”

“No not like that too, I am feeling something inside me”

“Just say it”

“I am feared”

“About what?”

“Everything. Everything”, she trembled her words and added, “I am afraid Nithish. I am afraid”. She held my hand tighter. I was afraid at that moment. What might have happened to her?

“Look Sathya, I don’t wish to assume anything further. So just speak out”

“That day, we kissed right?”

I nodded. Her eyes were very curious in telling something. “What you feel about it?”

“Are you afraid for asking this?” I made a little laugh. She shook her head horizontally at that time and added, “Say”.

“It is the day which made me to smile bigger and forget everything held for me”

“You mean about Jeni uh?”

“I can’t precisely mention Jeni, she too a reason”

“You loved her but she cheated you”, Sathya said slowly. I disagreed at the very next moment, “No No, she didn’t cheated me”

“She promised to stay with you Nithish”

“Yes, Sathya but some time we need to break some promises by making some new promises. Jeni did what she need to and there was no part of cheating me or ditching me”, I made my words more clear and told Jeni was good.

“So, will you accept Jeni if she comes back to you?”

“Are you mad?” I got up on hearing those from her. Sathya pulled my hand and said, “Sit down and answer me”.

“She won’t come”, I said with surety.

“All your friends were thinking that you loved Jeni but no one know about me”, she said and made a pause. I filled by saying, “I will tell my friends and room mates that I was in a relationship with Sathya. Is that enough?”

“Nithish calm down. No one knows we were in relationship right?”

“I just told Madhu that I have crush on you”

“You also mentioned Arshitha to them”, made a laugh with a teary eyes and she wiped them herself. Then she added, “Everyone thinks that you are interested in Arshitha”

“Did anyone in this college told you personally?” I asked. Her head shook horizontally. I added, “Then what was your problem?”

“Nithish, will you accept Jeni if she comes now for you?” she insisted the same question she asked before.

“No I won’t”, I said and asked, “Are you testing the love I have on you?”

“Why should I? I know how deeper it is and I also know how much you love me. Nithish I also you love me than myself. Even I didn’t loved you that much”, tears over her cheeks.

“How could I go for someone when I have Sathya for me? How could you ask me such a question”

“Do you think I am the best?”

“I know you are the best for me”, I said my resting my hand over her hand. She slipped her hand from mine and she took her hand back. I felt discomfort on losing her hand.

“How do you broke up with Jeni?”

“I misbehaved with her”

“Tried to fuck her uh?”

“What makes you talk like this?”

“Just answer me. Please”

“No. I did something that could spoil her name”, I said with a pity voice.

“Do you miss her?” she asked me with a weeping voice. I tried to wipe her tears but she stopped my hand and she wiped on her own.

“Sathya, let’s leave the past”, I tried to console her.

“Nithish there is no such thing as a past. Today will be a past of other day”

“So what? We don’t know what would happened tomorrow”

“But I knew what I have crossed in my life and you are the only one know about yours”, she made a weep and continued, “Nithish, I have something that I didn’t told you”

“Yes I am hearing”, I made my ears sharp and I was looking deep into her words.

“I was in love before you entered in my life”, she said by wiping her tears again. It may give a little jerk to me. But I calmed myself and I waited to hear her completely. I asked, “His name?”

“That’s not an issue. Just hear what I say”

“Yes, go on”

“I loved a boy and we both were in good relationship. He was too affectionate with me. I meant him as my world. Suddenly, I could feel something missing from him. He started to move away from me. But, I was still believed in him”

“When you got broke up?”

“We didn’t even had a break up. He just started to hang out with other girls. Later I could understand that he was not with me”, she cried again.

I was in a state of saying nothing. I was just hearing to what ever she says. No reaction came up from me. Fear of speaking rose up as the words I spell might disturb her. I maintained silence and waited until she complete.

“I didn’t hanged out with him. But one day, in class he kissed me when there was no one. It was the only moment that lasts in me always. He left some little memories with me. Those are the wounds, I had. I was silent and those wounds hurt me always. I thought it would fade away, once I started to get closer with you. The moment you kissed me, made me to remind everything that happened in my past. I didn’t blame you for that. We just started our relationship but I think it’s hard for me. Are you hearing Nithish?”

I was speechless. Was the kiss I gave hurt her? What have I done to her? I just said, “I …. I am here.. hea.. hearing”. My words stumbled along with my heart beat and eyes.

“Nithish you are so sweet and you know something. I really smiled when I was with you. I think I took over advantage with you in the name of relationship. I always wanted a kiss from you. It was just to forget the memory I had in me. I was selfish at that point”, she said and she repeated again, “Yes, Nithish. I think it was just lust between us not the love”

Anger peaked in me. “Do you think I was with you just for the lust? I kissed you only after you kissed me. I loved you Sathya. That’s what I know”.

“Nithish, just hear me”, Sathya said in a low voice again and added, “I told already. I didn’t blame you”. She cried again then she started, “I think I am not good”.

I again held her hand and she said nothing, “Sathya, you are the most beautiful girl I recently met. Your beauty is not on this skin”, I scratched my fore finger’s back over her cheek and continued. “It was in you heart. Your heart is showing you more beautiful to me”.

“It is what I am saying. My heart was not beautiful as you think. I just tried to use you. I need a replacement for my wound. But, it pierces the wound I had”.

“Sathya, what should I do now?”

“I think we can live as we lived before. No one know that we were in relationship. So we could be that way”.

“What the Fuck you are talking!” I exclaimed in a great anger and added, “I don’t know what you are talking. Everyone sees us together and everyone will accept if we were together. What troubles you? Did any one told that I had crush on Arshitha? I will tell everyone that I love you and it was only you”

“No. No. I wish no one could know this. We can just leave it is”

“I need to know what bothers you?”

“Dissatisfaction with the love we had”, she made bold words. I couldn’t get what she was speaking. I said, “Couldn’t get you?”

“I didn’t felt good when you kissed, I felt something disgusting”, she said and shrunk her body with a dirty look. That look resembled like seeing a most stinky dustbin near her. My heart pounded faster and felt shrunk inside my chest. Something was pulling me heart inside. I had little breathing troubles, I was helpless and I felt like forgot how to breathe.

Meanwhile she was kept on talking, “When I think about the kiss I had with you. I hate my lips myself and feeling irritated. My hands are forcing me to break something and I felt frustated”.
“Was this all because of a kiss?” I dropped some words slowly. She nodded. I then said, “I won’t kiss you from this moment. Sorry”

“I think we don’t have a healthy relationship”, she said and she kept her hand over my hand. At this moment, I freed my hand from her.

“But Nithish, I like you”

I made a crying laugh. I forced a laugh over my tears just to calm tears down. “If you liked, you might not have felt disgusting”

“I didn’t meant that particularly. But I like you”, she said.

I stood up and pulled her hand by saying, “You just hate kiss right then I will give you a fuck. We can continue our relationship”

She pushed me away with anger and she said,
“Don’t behave like a mad”

“I am not mad. You made me to”

“I was just telling that we need to break up. But you ask me to fuck. What the hell are you thinking”

“Yes. I would not have asked it until I know you are a bitch”

“I am not a bitch. You are a slut and you are thinking to fuck anyone you are with”, by saying she too stoop up and she took some steps away from me.

“Mind your tongue. Sathya”

“Decency was broken the moment you started saying about fuck you need. All you need was a fuck right?”

“I didn’t mean it”

“Oh! Is it then who came up with that idea?”

“It was you bitch. You are the horny bitch longing for kisses. If you felt my kiss was disgusting then you must have kissed a lot of boys. Lot of boys. Lot of boys one girl. Bitchy Bitchy”, I lost my mind completely and I was out of my words.

She slapped me harder and said, “Don’t say a word. I just trusted you and believed in you but you are so mean”

“It is not mean. You are the one started everything”, I calmed a little.

“No more offensive words. Just sit here”, she pointed the stone bench and she sat beside the point she pointed. I sat.

“Calm down. Nithish”, she said. I wished to calm down but my heart was still pumping faster and teasing my anger often. “Just think about Jeni. Your heart will calm down”.

I didn’t know what I was doing, I was just following what Sathya told. Jeni’s thought cracked inside my mind even at that time. My heart started to calm down the next moment. Sathya continued, “Did you fight with Jeni on break up?”

I said no. Sathya dropped a fake smile and continued, “It is same Nithish, you got Jeni and it was similar to me when I think about my ex. They might have left from our life. We might have anger on them on that day. As days move we must adapt with the reality we have. After we adapt ourselves, the past will just remind you the best way. You will feel blessed for choosing right decision after that day, after over coming the struggles”

“Avoid lectures and say in short”, I insisted.

“At first you need to calm down, please”, she said by looking at me. I was also looking into her eyes, she moved her head around. She said, “I am sorry if I disturbed you with the name of love”

“Not an issue”

“Nithish, I really didn’t mean to. I felt bad on continuing this relationship with you. We can be friends as before. I will help you for Arshitha as I did at start”.

“Am I a bitch here?”

“What?”

“Do you think I always wished to hook up with someone? The answer for that was no. At first, when I entered college I was like a blind got vision. So, I thought she was my love. But it was just an attraction. Then, I later thought I found my love. Now I should think myself there was nothing in this world to last for me”

“No No, I will be with you always. You can just ask me any help you need. I will be a good friend to you. Ask me whatever you need”, she said with a smile.

“Nice you stay with me as a good friend, is it?”, I asked and she nodded for that. “You will help me whenever I need your help, is it?” She nodded slowly. “I can ask you whatever I need, is it?” She kept calm.

“I need to have sex every week just give me that, that enough”, I said. She said nothing and she stood up.

“You are the one who told me that you will help me. I didn’t asked you”, I was building my worst words over and over. I could feel that I was making the situation worse. The anger in me blinded the words I spoke. I knew Sathya got tensed for the words I spoke but she maintained silence. If she lost her temper, there would be an abusive words quarrel.

“Nithish I told about being a friend”

“Is it?” I giggled and added, “You can control yourself when you are with me but I can’t. The love inside me might bloom again. Sorry sorry. How could a stalk bloom. You are the person who pluck the bud before it bloom”

“What should I do now? Just say it”, she asked with sharp words for ending conversation. The tears in me was completely disappeared and the anger stayed with me. I said, “We can break up as you wish but I can’t talk with you as a friend again”.

“Then we can separate our paths right?”

“Perfect”, I said with a satisfactory tone.

The students in the college were very few and we were almost alone at that moment. “Yes, perfect and good bye”, she extended her hand for a hand shake. On hearing this the anger in me faded away and the tears filled my eyes. She noticed my tears and said, “You are brave”, she made a hug to me.

I must have pushed her away if the anger lasted in me. It was the last hug, I felt myself. More than the anger I had on her. I loved her more. She might have felt disgusting but it was the only thing that made me to smile. The hug we had was very lighter. Without my knowledge a tear from my eyes dripped over her shoulder near her neck. ‘I must not shed tears’, a thought came in my mind. Tears never knew a language, so it over whelmed from my eyes. I wished to have that last hug to stay longer but she freed me in single digit count seconds.

She said, “I know, you loved me. Sorry”

“It’s okay”, I said. She tried to wipe my tears, I moved my head and wiped myself and added, “Here after, I should be the one to wipe my tears”. By saying I wiped my tears.

“The kiss you gave was not disgusting, it was just making me discomfort. Don’t mind that term please”, she said with a requesting tone.

“It’s not a problem, I can understand you”

“You need a kiss now? I meant a last kiss”, she asked with a hesitating voice. How could a boy say no to this when his beloved girl ask him. I wanted to say yes. If I said yes then I will be the most disgusting person, I have seen.

“No Sathya, just keep achieving in your way”, I said shortly. She smiled and added, “You can talk to me as before. I will speak with you”. I nodded and I said, “Sorry”

“For what?”

“For saying you a bitch”

“I am that already”, she made a laugh along with the tears that leaped at that moment. She was titling her self. I had a little guilt at that moment. Yes we broke up and we got our own ways.

I knew her when I entered the college, I liked her on the even semester of my first year. I had a crush and I loved on my side at the third semester. Finally, at the even semester of second year we got into relationship and we got broke up very sooner. I need to cry at that moment, but I hold my courage and not to expose that I had a relationship and got broken.

So no one know that I was in a relationship. Days passed, we didn’t even talked as usual. In short we didn’t even talked. I gave space for her in her life. I smiled on seeing her smiling. I learnt something in my life. We must not worry for something that was not us.

The love plays a vital part in the teen age for every person. It was a crucial part to overcome. The love is some times injurious to some person. You may think there were some people, living with a smile as they were in a relationship. Yes, you are right. Some relationships may build good paths, some may lead to bad paths. In my case, I thought I was leading in the right way but my love Sathya showed me that it was not the right way. She had her stuff to achieve, so I step aside watched her from a distance.

I scolded her badly and with abusive words when she talked about break up. Later as the time goes by, I started to long for her. I didn’t went back to her. I just stayed with the memories, I had.

I cannot forget her easily, her thoughts stroke in me always. I also thought about Sathya, she often won’t mingle with anyone. She was so calm and I was her only friend. She lost me too. At this moment, she will be in the worse condition than me. Tears will takes place at that very moment.

Everyone chose something to get himself away from his ex relationship thoughts. I was very conscious not to fall for bad. One day, while I was studying for semesters, I sharpened my pencil. A notebook was beside me. I drew something. A boy and a girl came up. At that moment, Harish crossed by. He saw that and asked, “Are you trying comics?”

I have never tried comics but at that moment, that spark he gave me, made to think about it. I just nodded and tried to draw the same face at different angles. I could draw a particular cartoon face with my imagination at any angle. I kept my books aside, I saw Harish seeing Pokemon series in his laptop. A pokemon episode I saw with him came in my mind. I started to sketch that episode in a comical way. It took hours, Harish had completed ten episodes on a streak. I was still drawing the episode I remember.

He closed his laptop and leaped over my desk to see what I was doing. He shocked and said, “Do you know drawing?”

“No”, I said truly.

“Really its nice”, he said and he took the papers from me and he was reading the content I wrote. He took those papers to his desk and he opened his laptop. He opened that particular episode and verified what I drew. He called me and congratulated me then he asked me to write the perfect dialogues that were in the episode. Then I erased some images and drew as in the episode and wrote the dialogues used in it.

Harish asked me to give that comic for him. I was very happy to give that for him. I really loved to give that, he thanked me and he took it. From that moment, I liked to do comics. I tried to convert some of the movies into comics and published them in my college magazine. Everyone was interested in reading my comic.

Once I saw Sathya was reading the comic in the college magazine, I drew. When she saw me watching her, she turned the page. I just avoided it and tried to concentrate more on comics. I tried some cartoons on our college’s current situations too. Those were converted into memes and some became my fans. I loved to have them.

At the third year even semester, Harish told me that his friend’s uncle was working in a magazine and he was impressed by my comic work and he asked me, “Are you interested in doing comics for children?”

I never expected this in my life. I was very happy and it seemed to be an achievement in my life. I felt the happiness that I felt on the days with Sathya. I cried with tears of joy. I told it to my parents, they were very happy to hear it and they encouraged me to do more comics and be the best at it.

Next day, I told my class mates about the offer I got personally to everyone as everyone encouraged me. Sathya and told her too. She extended her hand and said, “You will reach more, keep doing you best. I really loved your work. They are cool and cute”. I nodded. I moved to next person to say, but my eyes fixed at Sathya, she didn’t even considered me and she was preparing her syllabus. I was happy as she stay focused.

Years passed, I was not good at my studies. I just passed the exams and I drew the comics for the magazine at the weekends. Sathya was good at grades and she got her job in campus interview. The college got over and we made our paths.

Love is not a barrier,

It will be a step

One can either climb up or down

I think I climbing a little.

The end

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A girl with long hair leaned over the desk with a hand rested at her cheek was reading the last line “Love is not a barrier ….” She closes the book and at the cover there was picture. There a boy was standing at the middle with his folded hands. He was looking at the top of the cover. A girl on his left wore a blue colour bag and she stood facing backwards. On that boy’s right, there was a girl little shorter and she was sitting on stone bench. On the top there was a title, “Love is a stepping stone”

The reading girl was staring at the book cover. A voice came over from a distant, “Jesi, why are you sitting like a frozen doll”

“Just old memories”, that girl replied. She was very cute and her skin was glowing in that bright day time. Her eyes were sharp. She opened the book and she touched the name, Jeni Sugaina. She smiled and she closed the book and handed over to a boy standing beside. He was tall, masculine and had long well combed long hairs. His beard was very dark and dense.

“Why you give me this Jesi?”

“Do you remember a boy I loved at school?” she asked.

“Yeah, you told me on the early days of our relationship. I forgot his name. What was it?” he asked to that girl. She pointed her fore finger to the first page of the book. There was written, Sathish Kumar.

“Was this written by him?”, he asked. She nodded. “Nice title Love is a stepping stone. Let me give a try once”. By saying he opened the first page. That girl was silent but she pulled the book from him and placed it open at the desk. She pointed something at that book. He made his eyes clear and he looked at it. She pointed to a name, ‘Jeni Sugaina’.

“What’s with this name?” he asked.

“What is my name?” she stressed. He thought a moment and said, “Was that you? Jeni Sugaina”. She nodded with a blank face.

“Jessica Sunaina became Jeni Sugaina. What a conversion in naming”, he laughed out and added, “I am going to call you as Jeni Sugaina from this moment. I love that name babe”

“Just read this, I need you to read this completely”, Jessica made her words to him.

“Aye I never had a habit of reading and you know that. Why can’t you tell me what was written in this book?” he pleased Jessica. She sat beside him and told the whole story, starting form the blue American Tourister to the stone bench and also the conversion of becoming comic artist Sathish Kumar.

After hearing all the story, “You must not have ditched him”, the beard boy said with a funny tone. Jessica slapped him with the book without a hurt. “Do you want to break up our relationship?” he asked.

“Don’t be silly, I won’t decide like that”, Jessica said and added, “Why are you curious in breaking up?” She started to beat him with the book playfully.

He laughed and calmed her. He said, “Look Jeni, we can’t do anything. I feel sorry for him”.

“No, I just feel an in-completion in this story”, Jessica said with a doubting voice and continued, “I need to know more. I had made some impact in his life and I can just see how he is?”

That boy kissed Jessica’s forehead and said, “I know you feel guilt a little. Just ask a sorry to him”. Jessica nodded.

He searched for the contact number of Sathish in that book. Jessica stopped him by saying, “I need to meet him in person and ask sorry”. He accepted what Jessica told and asked, “Should you need me?”

“I think I can handle this myself. I also ask sorry to my old true friends. So it would be better if I go alone”. Then Jessica was ready to meet Sathish and her friends that she had at school. The mistake made years ago could not be rectified but could be acknowledged.