Chapter 8-- I Lost Her

          I was ready to face Jeni and say her what happened last night. I could not bear the burden inside me. I said bye to my family and I made my way to the school. I was as early to the school as Jeni was not on line last night and I was in a fear what might have happened in her family.

            Madhu didn’t arrived at that time. I was expecting the arrival of Jeni and Susan. Susan came alone, she had a worrying face. I ran to Susan, she spotted me on my way and she made a faster walk.

            “Susan where is Jeni?” I asked.

            “I think there was a problem at Jeni’s house. I tried to contact but her father told me that she was sick and she will not be coming school today”, Susan said.

            “Did you called her house?” I asked.

            “I tried last night her father attended all calls and replied that she was sick”, she said with an unrelaxed tone.

            “Can we go home?” I asked.

            “Idiot we have classes today. I can’t bunk classes and getting into more trouble”.

            “I am going”, I said.

            “No I won’t allow you”, Susan said by holding my hand and held with a strong grip. “Let Madhu comes and he will understand me and he will come with me”, I said again.

            She was not convinced. “I don’t want him to get involved”, she said.

            “He is my friend and he will come with me”, I said in a bold voice. I could see an anger in Susan’s eyes she losses the grip on my hand and said, “Madhu is your friend but he is mine’s everything and I am his everything”.

            “What?” I got confused at a moment. “Look Nithu you can’t get into trouble by putting us”. I was furious on hearing this. I was about to slap her. I hadn’t saw them as others. I considered four as us. At that moment, I was the one out from that us.

            I walked back to my class and sat on the place. By time everyone occupied their places and my bench was empty. I felt the emptiness in both the bench and in my heart. I just read over the scribbles made by me and Jeni over that desk on that Jeni wrote, “Jenish”. I was writing over it with my fore finger and smiled.

            The class went by, I felt hard to listen to the class that day. I was waiting for the break and to meet Madhu. At break, I broke out and I went to the wash room, memories recollected at that place and the voices of gossiping revolved around my ears. I turned to every direction and saw everyone doing their activities. Suddenly, the marker spotted in my eyes. I kicked the marker with the force and walked back to the class.

I saw Susan sitting at Jeni’s place. I sat on my place and asked, “What made you sit here?” without looking her face. I supported my chin with left hand resting on the desk. She shouted, “What are you talking Nithish?”

I turned to her then and said, “I think, I spoke with right words”

“What made you speak like that?”

“I want to spend time with myself, so don’t keep irritating me”

She pushed my hand and I slipped with the support. She walked to her place, I was watching what she was doing. She took the notebook and walked back to my bench. She sat at Jeni’s place again.

I just tried to open my mouth. Susan stopped it by showing her palm and said, “I will sit here, do whatever you want”. I could not judge her, did she cares for me or she didn’t. I took the neutral part at that time.

I missed Jeni and I didn’t wanted to show out. But I asked Susan, “Why Jeni not answering calls?” Susan glanced at me and maintained silence. I repeated the same question with little louder, “WHY JENI NOT ANSWERING CALLS AND MESSAGES”. Susan was still resuming with what she was doing.

I understood that she was taking revenge. I said politely, “Okie, I am sorry”. She looked at me and said, “You need to stay calm and do nothing”.

“Why?” I asked. “Keeping calm is much better”, Susan said. I didn’t wished to continue asking her about Jeni. But, I was curious to know about Jeni. I planned something that I never did before.

            “I need to meet Madhu”, I said to Susan. She questioned, “Why you are asking me?” with a shrunk eyes. I said nothing. The bell for lunch rung up and I started to walk. Susan insisted, “We are having lunch and Madhu will be there”.

            “I know, I need some minutes to be myself”, I said and walked rapidly straight to Madhu’s class and found him sitting at a corner. He came to me the moment he spotted me. He said, “Nithu come lets go”, with a hand holding the lunch box.

            “I need to get out of the school now”, I said in a dead voice. He looked at me strangely as the words I spoke were never spelt from my mouth. “Look Nithish it is not good and Susan asked you to stay quiet. So how could I encourage you?”

            “Madhu you are not getting her in the right way, she loves you and she wants to keep you secured so don’t let me to spoil. I want to see my Jeni”

            “We can go to her home this eve”, he said. It didn’t satisfied me.            

            “I need to go will you help me?” I asked.

            “Sorry Nithish”

            “I will be back by lunch”, I said.

            “How will you go to her home, do you have any idea how far it is?” Madhu built words to keep me here.

            I suddenly showed up a key to him. “What’s this?” he asked and he saw the keychain. He recognized it was Anito’s scooty. Anito was one of my class mate and he used to come to school by scooty. I borrowed the key by explaining him in short.

            “Are you serious?” Madhu asked with a pale face. I nodded. “Susan will never allow me”, Madhu was giving caution over Susan. I interrupted by saying, “Look Madhu she cares for you and not for me. You will never understand it”.

            At the end of my words Madhu slapped me twice with nearly five seconds pause. “Get lost you Idiot”, Madhu yelled. He went back inside the class and I walked to the grounds.

            I spotted the XII grade students they usually bunk classes by going to movies and roaming around. I haven’t talked to them. I approached to them for first time.

            “Hello”, I greeted in the formal way. “What you want?” a boy with huge masculine and rouge voice asked me by leaning over the wall.

            “Ritish, do you know who this is?” a boy from his friend asked and he answered himself, “He is the Jeni’s boy”. Ritish was the one leaning over the wall. He is the likely a DON of the school. No one question him as he was rude. I didn’t felt him as rude that day.

            “So what he loves him and she loves him”, he said and folded his straightened collar. He extended his hand and gave hand shake to me.

            “What made you come here?” he asked.

            “I need to get out of the school and return by the end of the lunch break”, I hurried my words as I didn’t had enough time. Everyone laughed at me. I was a joke there at that time.

            A boy from there asked, “Do you know the way to home?” and another asked by a laugh, “Need mobile to call Mama?” The crowd laughed. Ritish made them to calm down and walked with me.

            “What made you do this?” he asked by making me move away from that crowd. “Jeni is at home, I need to see her”, I said. “How will you go?” he asked.

            “I have a scooty and I will drive it”, I said.

            “Which route you will take?” he asked.

            I said a route and he changed it and told it was the route where cops will not be there. Ritish and I walked through a passage in which only one person can walk. There was a creepy door which was about 6 feet and it was just a door in that passage. Other side of the door is the canteen cooking area. He asked me to put my leg over the lock on the door and cling over the compound wall of school.

            I rested my foot, and held my hand over. I tried to jump over the wall but I slipped down. Ritish held me from bottom and lifted me a little higher. I could sat on the wall. He asked me to jump. I jumped down and I rolled for a feet distance. I thanked him with a shout.

            The place I landed was an empty land. There were only grass on some parts of the land and two trees stood without leaves.  I was on the backside of school. I need to sneak around the school without being noticed by anyone even the road side vendors. It was the mid of the day so the place was empty and it was easy for me to get myself in the comfort zone.

            I reached the place where Anito parked his scooty, he specifically told me to wear a jacket which he had in scooty. He often uses it to hide his uniform on bunk days. I wore the jacket, I felt it heavy.

            I rode the way Ritish told me to drive. On my ride I was thinking of What Jeni will be thinking? What she will doing? Will she be worried?

            On a minute, I decided every questions will be answered only if I met her. I made my way faster with a careful look on the road. I prayed to god to help me meet her. I reached Jeni’s house street. I parked the scooty, five houses before. 

            I walked by looking in all directions, I reached Jeni’s house. I could see the gate was wide open. I entered the house and checked if anyone was around. I looked at the entrance of the house where Jeni’s Dad’s slipper was not there. I was in good hope.

            I heard a voice, “You need to behave properly”. I identified it as Jeni’s mother voice. Jeni voice replied, “You can lecture me like this when Dad was here. I was on the right way”.

            “Do you think I was just scolding you for the sake of your Dad? Look Jeni you need to understand everything”, her mother voice heard again.

            I followed the voice and walked on the garden way, found a window. I hid myself by leaning over the wall and extended the ears to the window. I slightly extended my eyes, and I recognized it was Jeni’s room.

            “Just leave me Alone”, Jeni shouted and throw something. “How dare you to shout over my voice”, Jeni’s mother was shouting. Jeni ran to that room and shut the door. Then she was into my vision, she walked to her bed sat by hugging her feet with her chin resting over the knees.

            I made a husky voice, “Jeni Jennns”. She recognized me the next moment and she came to the window. She opened the window and she extended her hand. She held my cheeks and she tried to make her forehead touch my forehead but a window bar was between us.

            She shed some drops of tears and I wiped her tears with my thumb without losing the grip of her cheek. “It’s okay, it’s okay”, I said and smoothed her bent hairs.

            “Why did you come here?” she asked and she added another question, “How did you get yourself out from the school?”

            “I will manage it just say how you are?” I asked her by putting a smile. She smiled back. I took her hand from my cheek, kissed her hand and said, “I did nothing”. She said, “I know about you”.

            “You must leave from here”, she commanded with hurrying voice. I tried to calm her and said, “I will go, I just came to check if you are okay, are you okay?”

            She put a fake smile and said, “I will be fine”. I wept her tears and she hurried again, “You must leave now”. I nodded and walked two steps and I ran back to her and held the grill of the window and said bye to her. I wanted to take her with me but it looked like she was inside bars.

            She extended her hand outside the window and pushed me by forcing over my left shoulder. “GO! GO!” she hurried me. I nodded and walked slowly. She waved her hand through the window.

            I ensured the arrival of her father at that place and moved slowly. I checked for twice and I confirmed that there was none at that way. I started to make my way outside her house in a fast move.

            I opened the gate and closed it without making noise, but the door made a creepy sound. I paused the closing action to make the creepy sound very less audible. I turned back and checked there were none on that street. I walked slowly for few steps and ran to the scooty I parked.

            I sat over the scooty and covered my face with hands. I felt the tears were dipping and it made my hands wet. I wiped the tears and wore the jacket. I started to ride and I was very conscious of not getting caught in the eyes of Jeni’s Father.

            I reached the place where Anito parked. At that moment, I was very happy and I was satisfied that Jeni was trusting me. It was what I needed at that time. I went to the wall from where I climbed down at School. The wall was little high and I could not climb easily.

            I jumped and caught the ledge and tried to pull myself up but I failed. I thought I must have asked how to get inside while I got out from the school. I could not call anyone for help at that time but I need to enter the class.

            I was afraid. I didn’t know what to do then. I just pulled my hair and thought myself being a stupid. I searched there for something without having the idea of the thing to be searched. A big half damaged barrel helped my searching topic. It suited well for climbing that wall. I took the barrel and kept it near the wall. I stepped the leg over the edge of the barrel. I slipped and fall down and the barrel rolled down. I took it again and climbed again. I steadied myself and took support from the wall. I rested my hand over the ledge of the wall and pushed to climb over it.

            I climbed and sat over the wall, I threw my legs on the other side and landed with a sound made by my shoe. Later I realized I was on the other side of the door that is on the canteen side. I need to climb back and go to the other side. Suddenly, a man shouted, “Hey, What are you doing here?”

            I could not climb then. I just opened my mouth and no words came by as I had no answers to say. He just repeated the same question. He took me to the PT sir.

            PT sir was sitting over a stone bench with his whistle rolled over his hand. “Sir, this boy is revolving around canteen after break”, he said.    

            “I will handle him you can go”, PT sir sued the canteen boy. He turned to me by hanging his whistle like pendulum. I murmured something that even I can’t understand. “Lost What?” PT sir shouted by keeping his hand near his ears. His words helped me to manage the situation.

            “Lost sir”, I said again.

            “That’s what I am asking lost what?”

            “I lost my watch sir”, I completed his question with a rapid tone.

            “Then what is this?” he asked by pointing to my left hand where my watch was. “You found your watch?” he asked again.

            “Sir, is that a question or a sentence?” I questioned him as I had a confusion at that time the tone he said ‘You found your watch’. Finally, he allowed me to go after a while after writing an apology letter for roaming around.

            I went to washroom and washed my face and cleaned some dirt over my shirt and pant. I walked to my class and there were no staff at that time. I walked casually inside the class such that no one can find me breaking out.

            I saw Susan was sitting at my place. I didn’t want to talk anything to her. I sat on the bench and said, “Hi”. She gave a punch on my hand. It didn’t hurt me.

            “Do you have any idea of what you are doing?” she asked.

            “What are you talking about?” I asked.

            “Where were you?” she asked me. I could not lie then so I said, “I went to check out Jeni”. “You were not here for 2 hours what would you do if any teacher sensed you were missing?”

            “Relax Sue, no one gonna no anything”, I said and leaned over the desk. I added, “I saw her”.

            “Was her dad there?” Susan asked. I said not. She sighed and said, “Please don’t do anything on your own”. I hated her words.

            The class over and we went home. Madhu warned me on my way to home. I went home, I directly came online in FB. I opened Jeni’s chat. I scrolled the chat from starting to ending and read the previous chat. I was expecting her to come online.

            Madhu was messaging me. I just ignored it and kept scrolling. Suddenly I realized that he was texting without any gap and it felt it was urgent. I opened the chat, he texted, NITHISH for all messages. I texted back with ‘??’

            “Come to the park, I need to speak with you”, he said. I realized there was something urgent so, I turned off the computer and ran from my room.

            “Where are you going?” Mom asked.

            I said, “Madhu asked for a note and I am going to give him”. She doesn’t seemed satisfied with that answer. But I came out from the house with a notebook to meet Madhu.

            I reached the park, Madhu was already there waiting for me. “Do you have any idea what you are doing?” he yelled at me.

            “What I did?”

            “Do you know what happened yesterday at Jeni’s house and why she haven’t come to school today?”

            “No”

            “Her father hate you and he was afraid in sending her to school”, he said.

            “Why should be he afraid?” I questioned.

            “Don’t you realize any father would never like to hear his daughter being called as slut?”

            “None called her”, I interrupted.

            “But according to him she is being called”, he stressed his words and he added, “So he thought of changing her school”

            I blinked with a frozen face. Madhu continued, “Do you know what Jeni did? She was requesting her father to retain her in our school and she was almost done with convincing her father”. He came near me and gave a slap.

            “What?” I shouted.

            “Why the hell you went to her house today?” he shouted back. I had no idea how it affected the day, as I have done everything in a secret manner and not got caught to Jeni’s Dad too.

            “Jeni’s Dad was not there Madhu”, I said in a low voice and continued, “Don’t yell at me”. “Oh”, he gulped. He pushed me down and I got mad at him. I punched him. We started to quarrel for a moment. I just pushed him harder and shouted, “Just say the reason why you are so mad at me?”

            “Jeni’s Dad hadn’t seen you. Susan’s dad saw you”, he said and started to cry. I could not speak further and I don’t have any idea why he was crying for that.

            He sat over a swing and started to wipe his tears. I dogged near him and panted his shoulders. “Just say me what happened?” I asked him in a slow voice.

            “You went to meet Jeni but Susan’s Father saw you sneaking into the house. He had a talk about this with Jeni’s father. Jeni’s father was mad at her and he made arrangements for Jeni to study somewhere from his relative’s house”.

On hearing Madhu’s words, I couldn’t even react to it. Are these all because of my actions? Should Jeni go away because of me? I became a reason for her tears. I was the one who should bear her tears but I became a one to bring her tears. At that moment, I felt my heart became much heavy I could not bear it within my chest. I sat in an unusual state looking and I could not hear the Madhu’s words.

I asked him to repeat again. He said, “Later Susan’s Father enquired Susan and at that time, I messaged her, I LOVE YOU. He was mad at Sue for being in relationship with me. I am afraid”, he started to sob.

“How you knew that her Dad knew?” I asked.

“I went to her house like borrowing book, as she was not replying. At that time her Dad told me these”.

            I wiped his tears and asked, “How was she?”

            “Nithish I haven’t seen her, will Sue move along with Jeni”, he cries. I became a reason for their tears too. I could not manage my tears but I need to wipe his tears too. I could wipe his what about Susan and Jeni. What they would be thinking over me. I hugged Madhu and wiped my tears over his shoulders.

Madhu sobbed, “I shouldn’t have been in relationship. I troubled her”. I held his hand, my tears wiped over my cheeks. “I am very very Sorry”, I begged his pardon at that time and continued, “If I weren’t there today, you might be smiling brightly”.

“Can you please be calm”, he insisted. “I just want to say this to you that is why I asked you to come. Come let’s go home”. He said and started to walk.

I stopped his walk and asked, “Will everything be alright?” He nodded with a smile. He went off, on my way to home. Madhu was afraid and sobbed that he might lose Susan, but I am losing my Jeni while I can’t get tears instead. I was in a great anger on me. I was the reason for everything going around there.

I reached home, my mom was waiting with Dad for me, “Where did you go?” my dad asked. I could see both of them were staring at me ferociously. I said, “Just a meet with Madhu”.

“For?” Dad asked.

“To discuss some subject”, I lied.

“Will shirts become dirt while discussing subjects?” my Mom enquired on seeing the dirt over my shirt. She continued, “Will face swell on discussing subjects?”

I answered nothing, they thought I was involved in a fight with someone. The one who knew nothing happened was me. I took some minutes without replying anything.

            “I had a quarrel with my friends and I will not repeat it again”, I said and walked to my room. My mom stopped me by pulling my hand and made me to stand. “When you speak look the face”.

            “I spoke by looking face”, I yelled at Mom. “How dare you to shout at your mother?” my father gave me a slap. I can’t even look into my Dad’s eyes as I was lying to them. I covered my face and ran to my bed.

            I felt the day was bad, but I know I was the reason for everything that happened. I want to cry to someone but whom, I got trouble to my friends and Jeni. They are the only people who will hear my tears but I made them to weep too

            I fell over my bed without changing the dirt clothes. I felt my heart was pumping faster and faster when I think of Jeni moving away from me. I closed my eyes, I breathed slowly and the memories of the day we met first came inside me. She was there as Ellina. My heart beat rested to normal and without my acknowledgement I slept.

            Next day I woke very early, when I woke I didn’t realize when I slept. I hurried and got ready for the day. I just waved bye to my Mom and moved to school.

            I parked my cycle and I was waiting at the school gate for the arrival of Jeni. Later I was afraid, so I walked near a tree and stood beneath a tree such that no one can sense me as hiding or standing.

            I watching where Susan and Jeni got out from the car, I was happy to see Jeni and I could see Jeni’s father along with her. Jeni haven’t wore any bag but Susan did. I was eager to meet her but I should not. I never wanted to do anything that would affect others. I walked slowly along with some boys moving as a gang.

            Jeni spotted me, I waved but she turned after seeing me like seeing a stranger. It hurt me little but I didn’t considered it. I could see both of them walking to principal room. What could I do later, I walked to my class.

            On my way to class I visited Madhu’s class, I searched him but he was missing. I made my way back to my class. I need to wait until the moment comes. I waited, waited and finally Susan entered the class. She sat next me but, I thought she won’t sit with me.

            “Susan”, I pronounced her name slowly. She smiled at me. I could see her teary eyes. I just put a smile back to her. “Jeni?” I raised my voice slowly.

            She kept her bag down and turned to me. She held my hand and kept them over the desk. She said, “Nithish look, she is alright, Okay?” she asked with a nod and expected a nod from me. I nodded.

            “Madhu told that your father came to knew about Jeni”, I continued to know the complete incident. She ended in shortly, “I just managed the situation and I was free from troubles now”, she said in a casual way and added, “No social Media for me here after”

            “Jeni”, I repeated to enquire about Jeni. She held my hand and said, “Actually, Jen”. She started to weep, without knowing what happened my eyes started to shed tears. She continued, “Jeni’s Father wanted her to study somewhere away from us”.

            I hated the moment of being there, I tried to stand and see Jeni before she goes. Susan held my hand hardly and pulled me to sit. I just pushed her hand away from me and ran out of the class. I ran downstairs with a great speed.

            When I reached 1^st floor, the bell rung and students were walking to their while I was running in the opposite direction. PT sir gave a whistle, I turned and I realized that he was calling me.

            I walked slowly to him. “Where are you going?” he asked by grabbing the whistle with his teeth. “I am going to wash room sir”, I said in a low voice. “For?” he asked. “Sir?” I requestioned him.

            “Come with me”, he said and walked to the principal office. I was very eager to see Jeni there. There was Jeni waiting inside Principal room while PT sir made me to wait outside the room. I peeped inside a little and saw her sitting over the room. She saw me standing outside, but she again ignored me.

            I could not resist standing there, I found a position of standing such that I could see her. PT sir entered the room, the door opened, I heard Jeni’s father saying “Yeah we will continue from there”.

            Then I realized she was really moving from school, then I was restless and I could not resist seeing her. She and her dad stood from the Principal’s room. I wanted to hide myself from Jeni’s Father.

            I dodged and started to tie the shoe lace. I untied it and tied again for 2 times just to avoid his sight. Jeni crossed me, I saw her feet which walked slowly and she dropped a paper folding before me. I looked up to see her. She just turned for a moment and she walked away. I couldn’t even see a smile over her face.

            Principal called me in, I just walked in and I forgot to take the paper Jeni dropped. I entered the room but my eyes fixed to the paper. Principal asked me, “What is the matter?”

            “Sir he is always revolving on the grounds during classes often”, PT sir said and continued, “I have some work sir, can I go?”

            “Yes”, principal said and PT sir went away. “Hey, I remember you are the boy who came with this girl that day right?”

            I nodded. “I just came to give a sendoff to her, but she went away”. After a short conversation and apology, I came out and I found the paper was missing. I searched if it flew anywhere but I couldn’t find it anywhere from the place where I stood.

            I found a sweeper, was sweeping the corridor. I ran to him, I scanned that place for the paper and I found the paper, I took it. Tugged inside my pocket and walked to washroom.

           I opened the paper, there she wrote a paragraph

Nithu, I know you will come to see me at princi office. I know it would hurt you in leaving you. But, I should move now. I really loved you. I was mentioning in the past tense ‘LOVED’. You can understand what I try to mean. I have crossed many persons in my life but I liked you, so I wished to share my life with you. Everything happened was happened. Just move on in your life. Where ever you, you will be the best. Never change you for anyone. I am just away from you but I will be always with you. I don’t ask you to wait as I have other plans and you have to live your life. I had made you promises but I am sorry. I know it would be painful. I promised my dad that I will not be talking to you. I am now breaking the promise as I broke other promises made for you. Please put a smile on your face always and my smiles longs until you are smiling. So, to make me smile never let your smile to go down.

                                                                                          :)

            I held that paper on my hand and tears started to flow beyond my feelings. I could not control my tears and feelings. I wanted to tear my shirt and take my heart as it was very heavy for me to bear inside me. I bent my head backwards and opened my widely and shouted furiously without any sound only the mouth was open. With the cries and slaps I am a sobbing idiot who lost everything I had.